I feel stuck. Like I’m just waiting for the next thing. It’s a still, quiet season of my life and if you know me, you know I need to be busy. When things slow down and I have too much to think, I get anxious.
Less than a month ago, I was taking 15 credit hours for college. I was working 40+ hours. I was getting up before the sun and the birds to work out. I left my house before the sun came up and I didn’t get back home until after the sun went down. Right now, I’m taking 3 credit hours for school; which I don’t want to downplay because Statistics online is no easy feat by any means. I’m still working 40+ hours but who isn’t?
So in my head, I’m not doing as much as I was and I’ve got much more spare time, especially on weekends because I’m not spending my entire day on Sundays studying. And man this is weird for me! I’m not used to having head space for anything except school and work (which is one reason I started this blog). Staying busy is a survival tactic for me, it keeps my mind occupied and doesn’t allow space for too much stress.
But I’m not in a busy season. It’s very quiet. So I am growing. I am learning. I am developing relationships and friendships. I literally saw two of my best friends last week and I’m getting coffee with another tomorrow morning. I am appreciating the life that I’ve been given, and the disasters I’ve been through. I’m thanking God for the bullets I’ve dodged and the second chances He gives us all every single day, even when we may not deserve it.
God is preparing me for the next chapter. It will be chaotic, and beautiful, and exciting. It will be scary, and busy, and I will be preparing myself to save lives. To comfort strangers and learn as much as I can about the world and the people that dwell in it. I will enjoy the quiet before the storm… because I know the next few years of my life will be a beautiful downpour. But hey, a flower can’t bloom without a little rain, right?
I am going to do amazing things so in this still season, I am going to listen to what God is telling me and learn to love myself so that I can love those around me with as much passion as possible. I am going to work on my own health so that I can be a good advocate for the health of those around me. I am going to crack open my Bible and find the answers to my questions.
Enjoy the stillness. Use the silence as a chance to hear that still, small voice speaking to you. Crack open your Bible. Cut up some cucumbers and drink a cold glass of ice water (or drink that double caramel frappucino with that extra espresso shot, honey!) Work on yourself for once because now is the time.