Dedicated, Not Defeated

I had a rough day yesterday. One of those days where nothing felt right and I couldn’t seem to shake it. 

I try to keep things as real as possible, so let’s be real about what happened. I failed my pathophysiology test. I got a 70% so I failed by 5 points. I have never failed an exam before. And when I tell you I studied for that thing, I studied. HARD.

I immediately felt defeated. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I felt like I wasn’t smart enough. I felt like I’d make a bad nurse. I let it get to me all night. On and off, throughout the night, I kept getting so freaking angry at myself. 

When I woke up this morning, I didn’t feel angry… or sad. I felt happy. I truly felt so blessed. I realized how lucky I am. I realized that I am so grateful to be where I am. Not everyone gets to go to college and love it. Not everyone meets people who they instantly become friends with. Not everyone gets to do what they love every single day. Not everyone gets to walk in a room full of sick people and watch their faces light up just because I walked in with a smile. Not everyone gets to make difference.

But I do.

I’ll do better next time. I’ll study harder. I’ll be a good nurse. I’ve never been one to go easy on myself, but I’m pretty excited to have a week with no tests, not gonna lie about that.

I am dedicated to being the best version of myself I can be. I will not allow myself to be dragged down by one mistake… and you shouldn’t either.

“The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days.” -Ray Wylie Hubbard

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