God Is Preparing Me

I feel stuck. Like I’m just waiting for the next thing. It’s a still, quiet season of my life and if you know me, you know I need to be busy. When things slow down and I have too much to think, I get anxious.

Less than a month ago, I was taking 15 credit hours for college. I was working 40+ hours. I was getting up before the sun and the birds to work out. I left my house before the sun came up and I didn’t get back home until after the sun went down. Right now, I’m taking 3 credit hours for school; which I don’t want to downplay because Statistics online is no easy feat by any means. I’m still working 40+ hours but who isn’t?

So in my head, I’m not doing as much as I was and I’ve got much more spare time, especially on weekends because I’m not spending my entire day on Sundays studying. And man this is weird for me! I’m not used to having head space for anything except school and work (which is one reason I started this blog). Staying busy is a survival tactic for me, it keeps my mind occupied and doesn’t allow space for too much stress. 

But I’m not in a busy season. It’s very quiet. So I am growing. I am learning. I am developing relationships and friendships. I literally saw two of my best friends last week and I’m getting coffee with another tomorrow morning. I am appreciating the life that I’ve been given, and the disasters I’ve been through. I’m thanking God for the bullets I’ve dodged and the second chances He gives us all every single day, even when we may not deserve it. 

God is preparing me for the next chapter. It will be chaotic, and beautiful, and exciting. It will be scary, and busy, and I will be preparing myself to save lives. To comfort strangers and learn as much as I can about the world and the people that dwell in it. I will enjoy the quiet before the storm… because I know the next few years of my life will be a beautiful downpour. But hey, a flower can’t bloom without a little rain, right?

I am going to do amazing things so in this still season, I am going to listen to what God is telling me and learn to love myself so that I can love those around me with as much passion as possible. I am going to work on my own health so that I can be a good advocate for the health of those around me. I am going to crack open my Bible and find the answers to my questions.

Enjoy the stillness. Use the silence as a chance to hear that still, small voice speaking to you. Crack open your Bible. Cut up some cucumbers and drink a cold glass of ice water (or drink that double caramel frappucino with that extra espresso shot, honey!) Work on yourself for once because now is the time.

An Open Letter to the Girl I Was One Year Ago

To the girl I was one year ago:

You are not meant to spend every weekend living in the shadow of a man who is incapable of love, compassion, and kindness.

You are not meant to be in a relationship where you feel more lonely than you did when you were single.  To be working, going to school, bettering yourself while he sits at home playing video games because his poor tummy hurts too much to go to work today.

You are not meant to spend every minute of your life making excuses to your friends and family for why you are allowing yourself to be treated badly. You are not this defensive, angry person you have become.

You are not meant to be unhappy and living in depression, always being told that you are either “too much” or “not enough.” Because let me tell you from experience, it is possible to be called both of those things together.

You ARE meant to overcome this, and move past this chapter of your life, because that’s all it is. Just a chapter that you have to get through and then close.

You can change your story. It’s not easy. It might be the most painful thing you’ve ever done but it will be the best thing you can ever do for yourself. Cut ties from the dead weight.

You are strong, and beautiful, and capable of all the things you’re being told “no” to. You are brilliant. You are talented. Your life is not a waste. You are something. You ARE somebody who is deserving of love.

You are smart enough. You ARE enough. The things that others say “too much” to are your most valuable assets, do not ever forget that. Your hustle, your busy mindset, your need to achieve… these are not problems. These are the traits that are going to help you build your damn empire. 

The ugly truth about the girl I was a year ago is that I was in complete disbelief of every one of these statements. I was actually a completely different human being… I had become someone my family didn’t recognize… hell, I didn’t recognize myself. The life had been sucked out of me. Until I got out of the situation and I changed my thoughts. I remembered who I was and worked my ass off to get to where I am right now.

And the woman I am today is burying the girl I was one year ago.

I invite you to join me. I invite you to take the steps necessary to be you again. To find your happiness again. Go back to when you were a child and you didn’t care what anyone thought. Be that version of you again. Kick ass, take names, and find your peace again. It is out there, I promise. 

The Journey Begins


I’ve been on many journeys in my life, as most of us have. To start, I’ve been on a mental and spiritual wellness journey for years. I’ve been on an academic journey for my entire life which is finally starting to pay off for me. I’ve been on a weight loss journey for a good portion of my life as its been something I’ve always struggled with. The latest journey has been no cakewalk, in fact it’s probably been the toughest one to date. I was in a bad relationship and I’ve been struggling to re-find myself after that and to see the good I have to offer. I’ve found that talking through my hard times really helps me and I’ve found that so many other people have been in the same boat I was, or worse.

I’m learning that my past is not my present, or my future. I’m learning that what I’ve been through is not who I am. I am not the words that people say I am. I am not the mistakes I’ve made. I am not a number on the scale or a t-shirt size. These things do not define me. I am who God says I am, He defines me. I can rest easy in that sentiment.

So I’m starting this blog as a way to talk about my feelings, share some inspiration with y’all, and maybe just some good stories here and there. I’ve always loved writing, and I’m pretty dang good at it if I do say so myself.

So buckle up and enjoy!