Gifts

Some people have to work incredibly hard for things that come incredibly easy for others.

I have to work my butt off to complete one homework assignment in my statistics class while some students complete 5 in the same amount of time.

I can sit down and write a blog post or an essay in ten minutes because I am great at writing and putting my thoughts on paper. Some people struggle to get their thoughts down and essays are their worst nightmares.

Some people have to strategically diet and exercise to lose a pound while others can eat cheeseburgers and never gain a pound. Some people have to work hard to gain weight while others, like my blessed self, can eat a snap pea and still gain weight.

All jokes aside, what’s easy for you might be hard for me and what’s tough for you might be something I can do in my sleep. We all have gifts given to us by a God who knew us before we were in our mother’s womb.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. {Jeremiah 1:5}

He set us apart from others before we were even born, y’all. Our gifts are OURS and that is something you can take to the bank and cash in. Don’t compare what he’s doing or what she’s selling to what you’re accomplishing. You’re on completely different paths with completely different gifts on a completely different timeline, and that is perfectly okay. Embrace your gifts, and don’t be afraid to work hard for what you want because anything is within your reach.

Queens

I am incredibly lucky right now to be able to say that I have many friends, some I’ve known for a long time and some I’ve know for a month, but I have people that support and love me. And I feel so so lucky. This post is dedicated to y’all.

I haven’t always been this lucky though. When my ex and I broke up, my family had my back but I had no friends. Absolutely none. So I started reaching out to people and rebuilding my life.

I take that back. My sister, my lifelong best friend, has never left me to suffer alone. She has been there through some of my toughest times, for my entire life. When I was 16 and got stood up for the first time, she made me take her and her boyfriend out since I was dressed and didn’t need to waste a decent outfit. Even tonight, she took the nail polish off my toes for me because I was too lazy to do it. I don’t know what I would do without her and I will always be grateful that God chose us for each other.

Thank goodness also for a coworker of mine who I truly think of as a best friend. She doesn’t judge me and I’m thankful that I can come to work and talk her ears off OR say nothing at all, and she still supports me.

I messaged his ex from before me. We couldn’t stand each other for years but we’re so much alike and our friendship works so well. We found out that he treated us the same. That he talked us out of doing things to improve our lives because he wants the girl he’s with to be below him. We found out that our shared experience with this boy was something that we could bond over for the time being but now we have so much to talk about. She’s smart, bold, and successful. I consider her to be one of my best friends. I’m even going to her wedding, and if that’s not a friendship turn around, I don’t know what is.

Then I reached out to a sweet girl from high school. We went to eat Mexican food for lunch and ended up sitting in that booth, laughing and talking until almost 5 in the afternoon. That lunch was the most I had laughed in months, and I will always be grateful to her for making me realize that I was still in there. She’s funny, nice as all get out, and has such a sweet soul. Another best friend.

I worked with a kid at Subway years ago who had a girlfriend (at the time) that I looked up to so much. She was working as a CNA at the time and working on getting her pre-requisites done. I was thiiiinking about pursuing nursing but little does she know, she is the one who really inspired me to do that. Fast forward to the summer my life felt like it was falling apart, and there she was in my anatomy class! She’s intelligent, hard working, and so caring. We became close again and we still keep in touch because our journeys are so alike in so many ways.

And tomorrow, I’m meeting a friend of mine who I went through CNA school with for dinner. We wiped butts together y’all and now we’re both going to nursing school… she’s almost done actually and she’s going to do so well. She was my clinical partner for a semester, but a friend for life. And I am thankful to still be able to reach out to her and know that she would still be here for me if I needed her.

I have had people who I trusted that broke my heart. I have had best friends who told lies about me, turned our mutual friends away from me. Some of these people have reached out to me since, so we’re rebuilding our friendships and are closer than ever! Sometimes our friends hurt us without the intentions of hurting us, and I get that. Some of these people, though, pretend like I don’t exist and that’s fine too because I am not for everybody.

I am honest, and loud, and boy once I start on something, there’s no stopping me. I’m opinionated without being judgey… but I’ve been shushed for a long time so now I’m out here making my presence known. I have my share of flaws, I’ve done things I’m not proud of but I will own up to it. I am so thankful that I have a few close friends who accept my personality, and love me even more for just being myself. I am so warmed by the people I have around me and for the first time in a long time, I am happy to say that I am 100% okay if you want to judge me by who I surround myself with because I am surrounded by strong, wonderful people.

Real queens fix each other’s crowns.

Deep Roots

I have always been a family oriented girl. I’ve been thinking for a few days about some great people in my life who have truly been there for me in some of my darkest moments. I’m writing about my family today and will post about some great friends next week. But there’s so many things to be thankful about and I’m tired of being a victim so I’m taking control of my life and realizing how much good I’ve got going for me.

I feel so heartbroken when friends tell me about their estranged relationships with their parents because I’ve never known what that feels like. I’ve had fights with my family, I don’t agree with every thing they say and do, but I will always have my family’s backs and I know they’ll always have mine. There’s a quote I love by someone who’s name I don’t know that says

when the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.

My mom has been my absolute best friend for… always. When the boy in 7th grade didn’t like me back and I came home crying, she’s the one who held me. When I was sitting in my freshman orientation for college doubting whether I could make it as a nurse, I suddenly decided that I wanted to do dental hygiene (which my school didn’t offer), she’s the one who sat right beside me, jumped up and ran out of orientation with me. She then proceeded to drive me to another college so I could speak with admissions, just so I could decide that I actually did want to go to nursing school. When the boy I put my life on hold for dumped me over a text message, after two years, because he decided that alcohol was more important than me… my mama was the one who reminded me who I am. She was the one who watched me change into a person I wasn’t. She was the one who saw me teetering over the edge and she was the one who pulled me back.

My dad is my hero. As a little girl, I always thought that, but as a woman I know that. My dad had colon cancer and went through six months of chemo that really took a toll on him. He continued to work and provide for his family. He continued to pray, and he is a big reason that my whole family has such a great relationship with God. When my sister’s brakes went out on her bicycle going down a hill and she flew over her handlebars and hit the pavement, he is the one who carried her up the driveway. When I was struggling with math in elementary school, he sat with me at the kitchen table after work doing his best to help me. When I missed buck after buck, he was the one who got me an eyepatch (fun fact, I can’t close just one eye) and kept pushing me to not give up. When I shot my first coyote and deer in the same evening, he is the one who was sitting next to me, he is the one who jumped up with tears in his eyes and shouted with joy, thanking God.

I have a sister who is always up for a random trip to the store and who loves me even after we just beat the crap out of each other. I have a cousin who missed his practice to come to my house and take me to get loaded tater tots just to help get my mind off things. I have grandparents, aunts and uncles, family who love me and have gone out of their way for me on multiple occasions and would do it again.

I am so thankful to have something that not everyone else has, and trust me, I don’t take it for granted. I thank God every night for giving me this family and this life. I am such a lucky woman.

God Is Preparing Me

I feel stuck. Like I’m just waiting for the next thing. It’s a still, quiet season of my life and if you know me, you know I need to be busy. When things slow down and I have too much to think, I get anxious.

Less than a month ago, I was taking 15 credit hours for college. I was working 40+ hours. I was getting up before the sun and the birds to work out. I left my house before the sun came up and I didn’t get back home until after the sun went down. Right now, I’m taking 3 credit hours for school; which I don’t want to downplay because Statistics online is no easy feat by any means. I’m still working 40+ hours but who isn’t?

So in my head, I’m not doing as much as I was and I’ve got much more spare time, especially on weekends because I’m not spending my entire day on Sundays studying. And man this is weird for me! I’m not used to having head space for anything except school and work (which is one reason I started this blog). Staying busy is a survival tactic for me, it keeps my mind occupied and doesn’t allow space for too much stress. 

But I’m not in a busy season. It’s very quiet. So I am growing. I am learning. I am developing relationships and friendships. I literally saw two of my best friends last week and I’m getting coffee with another tomorrow morning. I am appreciating the life that I’ve been given, and the disasters I’ve been through. I’m thanking God for the bullets I’ve dodged and the second chances He gives us all every single day, even when we may not deserve it. 

God is preparing me for the next chapter. It will be chaotic, and beautiful, and exciting. It will be scary, and busy, and I will be preparing myself to save lives. To comfort strangers and learn as much as I can about the world and the people that dwell in it. I will enjoy the quiet before the storm… because I know the next few years of my life will be a beautiful downpour. But hey, a flower can’t bloom without a little rain, right?

I am going to do amazing things so in this still season, I am going to listen to what God is telling me and learn to love myself so that I can love those around me with as much passion as possible. I am going to work on my own health so that I can be a good advocate for the health of those around me. I am going to crack open my Bible and find the answers to my questions.

Enjoy the stillness. Use the silence as a chance to hear that still, small voice speaking to you. Crack open your Bible. Cut up some cucumbers and drink a cold glass of ice water (or drink that double caramel frappucino with that extra espresso shot, honey!) Work on yourself for once because now is the time.

An Open Letter to the Girl I Was One Year Ago

To the girl I was one year ago:

You are not meant to spend every weekend living in the shadow of a man who is incapable of love, compassion, and kindness.

You are not meant to be in a relationship where you feel more lonely than you did when you were single.  To be working, going to school, bettering yourself while he sits at home playing video games because his poor tummy hurts too much to go to work today.

You are not meant to spend every minute of your life making excuses to your friends and family for why you are allowing yourself to be treated badly. You are not this defensive, angry person you have become.

You are not meant to be unhappy and living in depression, always being told that you are either “too much” or “not enough.” Because let me tell you from experience, it is possible to be called both of those things together.

You ARE meant to overcome this, and move past this chapter of your life, because that’s all it is. Just a chapter that you have to get through and then close.

You can change your story. It’s not easy. It might be the most painful thing you’ve ever done but it will be the best thing you can ever do for yourself. Cut ties from the dead weight.

You are strong, and beautiful, and capable of all the things you’re being told “no” to. You are brilliant. You are talented. Your life is not a waste. You are something. You ARE somebody who is deserving of love.

You are smart enough. You ARE enough. The things that others say “too much” to are your most valuable assets, do not ever forget that. Your hustle, your busy mindset, your need to achieve… these are not problems. These are the traits that are going to help you build your damn empire. 

The ugly truth about the girl I was a year ago is that I was in complete disbelief of every one of these statements. I was actually a completely different human being… I had become someone my family didn’t recognize… hell, I didn’t recognize myself. The life had been sucked out of me. Until I got out of the situation and I changed my thoughts. I remembered who I was and worked my ass off to get to where I am right now.

And the woman I am today is burying the girl I was one year ago.

I invite you to join me. I invite you to take the steps necessary to be you again. To find your happiness again. Go back to when you were a child and you didn’t care what anyone thought. Be that version of you again. Kick ass, take names, and find your peace again. It is out there, I promise. 

The Journey Begins


I’ve been on many journeys in my life, as most of us have. To start, I’ve been on a mental and spiritual wellness journey for years. I’ve been on an academic journey for my entire life which is finally starting to pay off for me. I’ve been on a weight loss journey for a good portion of my life as its been something I’ve always struggled with. The latest journey has been no cakewalk, in fact it’s probably been the toughest one to date. I was in a bad relationship and I’ve been struggling to re-find myself after that and to see the good I have to offer. I’ve found that talking through my hard times really helps me and I’ve found that so many other people have been in the same boat I was, or worse.

I’m learning that my past is not my present, or my future. I’m learning that what I’ve been through is not who I am. I am not the words that people say I am. I am not the mistakes I’ve made. I am not a number on the scale or a t-shirt size. These things do not define me. I am who God says I am, He defines me. I can rest easy in that sentiment.

So I’m starting this blog as a way to talk about my feelings, share some inspiration with y’all, and maybe just some good stories here and there. I’ve always loved writing, and I’m pretty dang good at it if I do say so myself.

So buckle up and enjoy!