Rejoice Always

The Bible does not say “rejoice sometimes, pray when you need something, and give thanks when things go your way.” 

I was afraid this post would be different from what it is. I was afraid I would fail my exams today. (And I can hear my mama and daddy right now: “You’ve got this, stop being so negative.”) But I knew if I did fail, I would rejoice anyway. I would thank God anyway.  

Luckily, I’m rejoicing, praying, and giving thanks because I passed two of my hardest exams this far. And by pass, I got a 100 on one and a 1000+ on the other. One of these exams would determine whether or not I could move on to next semester.

I am out here doing the dang thing. I go to school, then I go to work, and then I come home and study. Sometimes all night long. I’ve pulled more all-nighters this semester than I’ve pulled in my whole life. But I couldn’t do this on my own. I’m not doing this on my own. I have people who believe in me. I have a big God who put me on this earth for a reason. I am working towards my calling. And I am so thankful. I have prayed so much this semester and God answers. 

Nursing school is hard. Life is hard… but we weren’t put here for things to be easy. What would be the point in that? 

If you are struggling… if life is knocking you down, I have been there. I feel for you. I care for you. I am here for you and I will pray for you. But do not forget to rejoice in the good.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Jesus Christ.

{1 Thessalonians 5:16-18}

Enough

I have been so excited to start nursing school. I literally bought my scrubs four months ahead of time to make sure they would fit perfect and I would have everything ready by August 19th.

Yesterday, I drove to my school’s bookstore to purchase my textbooks and when I was walking out of the door with what felt like 50 pounds of books on one arm and a bag full of syringes and saline solution on the other, I felt defeated. I felt alive and defeated at the same time because here I am with my future in my arms but I just charged a thousand dollars to my credit card.

Today, I have been so down and out. My emotions have been all over the place and I am doubting myself. What if I’m not smart enough? What if I’m really bad at nursing school? What if I can’t make friends and allies throughout this journey? What if I can’t even afford to continue? I have spent today getting my loose ends tied up before class starts and cleaning my space. I have also spent today trying to talk myself down and questioning my own self worth. I opened my textbooks and words started flying off the pages and I became so overwhelmed by how much I will need to know.

I am writing this post now though to lay my fears to rest. I am speaking it into fruition, because I truly believe that what you put out into the world is what you will get back from it. God hears and He delivers. 

I am smart enough for this. I have brought myself to this point and if I have to crawl on my knees to bring myself through it, I will. At 16 years old, I was taking community college classes to become a CNA and during that, I knew for a fact that nursing was my future. Caring is something I’m good at. People are my passion. With that being said, I can do this. I will do this. 

I’m going to make friends, I already have made two friends who are in my program and it hasn’t even started yet so why the hellll am I so concerned about that? I am a good person, and a great friend. I am so excited to gain some lifelong gal pals over the course of this journey. 

And as far as the money goes, I can take loans out. I’ve been lucky enough to not have to do that so far but I just had to put a grand on my card so maybe a loan would have been best anyway. Oh well, now I know what to expect next semester and hopefully I can save up my money throughout this semester while I work. The thing is, God is in control. God has my back and He will pull me through deep waters. Not to mention, paying for school is why I’m working over forty hours a week some weeks. 

The point is that I am my own biggest critic. No one will ever judge me harsher than I judge myself. I know a lot of people just like me in that aspect and we need to trust that we are on the right path and making the right moves. We are good enough, smart enough, strong enough, and pretty enough. We are exactly where we need to be when we need to be there. I really hope I can help others realize that because I know that if I’m struggling with this, others are too. 

I really need to stop questioning myself and just trust my own abilities because I can do this. I will do this, and I will be a great nurse.