Queens

I am incredibly lucky right now to be able to say that I have many friends, some I’ve known for a long time and some I’ve know for a month, but I have people that support and love me. And I feel so so lucky. This post is dedicated to y’all.

I haven’t always been this lucky though. When my ex and I broke up, my family had my back but I had no friends. Absolutely none. So I started reaching out to people and rebuilding my life.

I take that back. My sister, my lifelong best friend, has never left me to suffer alone. She has been there through some of my toughest times, for my entire life. When I was 16 and got stood up for the first time, she made me take her and her boyfriend out since I was dressed and didn’t need to waste a decent outfit. Even tonight, she took the nail polish off my toes for me because I was too lazy to do it. I don’t know what I would do without her and I will always be grateful that God chose us for each other.

Thank goodness also for a coworker of mine who I truly think of as a best friend. She doesn’t judge me and I’m thankful that I can come to work and talk her ears off OR say nothing at all, and she still supports me.

I messaged his ex from before me. We couldn’t stand each other for years but we’re so much alike and our friendship works so well. We found out that he treated us the same. That he talked us out of doing things to improve our lives because he wants the girl he’s with to be below him. We found out that our shared experience with this boy was something that we could bond over for the time being but now we have so much to talk about. She’s smart, bold, and successful. I consider her to be one of my best friends. I’m even going to her wedding, and if that’s not a friendship turn around, I don’t know what is.

Then I reached out to a sweet girl from high school. We went to eat Mexican food for lunch and ended up sitting in that booth, laughing and talking until almost 5 in the afternoon. That lunch was the most I had laughed in months, and I will always be grateful to her for making me realize that I was still in there. She’s funny, nice as all get out, and has such a sweet soul. Another best friend.

I worked with a kid at Subway years ago who had a girlfriend (at the time) that I looked up to so much. She was working as a CNA at the time and working on getting her pre-requisites done. I was thiiiinking about pursuing nursing but little does she know, she is the one who really inspired me to do that. Fast forward to the summer my life felt like it was falling apart, and there she was in my anatomy class! She’s intelligent, hard working, and so caring. We became close again and we still keep in touch because our journeys are so alike in so many ways.

And tomorrow, I’m meeting a friend of mine who I went through CNA school with for dinner. We wiped butts together y’all and now we’re both going to nursing school… she’s almost done actually and she’s going to do so well. She was my clinical partner for a semester, but a friend for life. And I am thankful to still be able to reach out to her and know that she would still be here for me if I needed her.

I have had people who I trusted that broke my heart. I have had best friends who told lies about me, turned our mutual friends away from me. Some of these people have reached out to me since, so we’re rebuilding our friendships and are closer than ever! Sometimes our friends hurt us without the intentions of hurting us, and I get that. Some of these people, though, pretend like I don’t exist and that’s fine too because I am not for everybody.

I am honest, and loud, and boy once I start on something, there’s no stopping me. I’m opinionated without being judgey… but I’ve been shushed for a long time so now I’m out here making my presence known. I have my share of flaws, I’ve done things I’m not proud of but I will own up to it. I am so thankful that I have a few close friends who accept my personality, and love me even more for just being myself. I am so warmed by the people I have around me and for the first time in a long time, I am happy to say that I am 100% okay if you want to judge me by who I surround myself with because I am surrounded by strong, wonderful people.

Real queens fix each other’s crowns.

Deep Roots

I have always been a family oriented girl. I’ve been thinking for a few days about some great people in my life who have truly been there for me in some of my darkest moments. I’m writing about my family today and will post about some great friends next week. But there’s so many things to be thankful about and I’m tired of being a victim so I’m taking control of my life and realizing how much good I’ve got going for me.

I feel so heartbroken when friends tell me about their estranged relationships with their parents because I’ve never known what that feels like. I’ve had fights with my family, I don’t agree with every thing they say and do, but I will always have my family’s backs and I know they’ll always have mine. There’s a quote I love by someone who’s name I don’t know that says

when the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.

My mom has been my absolute best friend for… always. When the boy in 7th grade didn’t like me back and I came home crying, she’s the one who held me. When I was sitting in my freshman orientation for college doubting whether I could make it as a nurse, I suddenly decided that I wanted to do dental hygiene (which my school didn’t offer), she’s the one who sat right beside me, jumped up and ran out of orientation with me. She then proceeded to drive me to another college so I could speak with admissions, just so I could decide that I actually did want to go to nursing school. When the boy I put my life on hold for dumped me over a text message, after two years, because he decided that alcohol was more important than me… my mama was the one who reminded me who I am. She was the one who watched me change into a person I wasn’t. She was the one who saw me teetering over the edge and she was the one who pulled me back.

My dad is my hero. As a little girl, I always thought that, but as a woman I know that. My dad had colon cancer and went through six months of chemo that really took a toll on him. He continued to work and provide for his family. He continued to pray, and he is a big reason that my whole family has such a great relationship with God. When my sister’s brakes went out on her bicycle going down a hill and she flew over her handlebars and hit the pavement, he is the one who carried her up the driveway. When I was struggling with math in elementary school, he sat with me at the kitchen table after work doing his best to help me. When I missed buck after buck, he was the one who got me an eyepatch (fun fact, I can’t close just one eye) and kept pushing me to not give up. When I shot my first coyote and deer in the same evening, he is the one who was sitting next to me, he is the one who jumped up with tears in his eyes and shouted with joy, thanking God.

I have a sister who is always up for a random trip to the store and who loves me even after we just beat the crap out of each other. I have a cousin who missed his practice to come to my house and take me to get loaded tater tots just to help get my mind off things. I have grandparents, aunts and uncles, family who love me and have gone out of their way for me on multiple occasions and would do it again.

I am so thankful to have something that not everyone else has, and trust me, I don’t take it for granted. I thank God every night for giving me this family and this life. I am such a lucky woman.