For The Good and The Bad… Thank you God

When I got accepted to the only nursing school I applied to, I thanked God.

When I earned good grades on my first tests, I thanked God.⠀

Just last week, I fit into a top I couldn’t fit into a month ago. And I thanked God.⠀⠀

When my dad was cured of cancer, I thanked God. 

Here’s the thing… it’s real easy to thank God when things are going well. When life is moving along smoothly, when you’re happy… it is so easy to thank God.

You know what’s not so easy? Thanking God while you’re having a panic attack and struggling to catch your breath with tears streaming down your face while you are sitting in traffic because you’re so overwhelmed with e v e r y t h i n g. When you realize your friend doesn’t really care about being your friend. When you’re at work and a grown ass man looks at your coworker and says “You are so pretty. It’s nice to see someone in here who doesn’t weight 200 pounds.” (Firstly sir, I’ve had a diet of stress and peanut butter crackers for a month now so I’ve lost five pounds, thank you very much).

Each of these things has happened to me within the last week. But I picked my head up, I smiled, and I thanked God. Here’s the thing: crying in my car means I have a heart that can feel things. I have plenty of old and new friends, the past few weeks I’ve made some amazing friends… and I don’t even know where I’d be right now without them. I am working on my weight, but weight has nothing to do with beauty or this killer (some call it intimidating…) personality of mine. I am getting stronger every week, mentally and physically.

Thank God when it’s hard.

Thank God when it’s painful.

Thank God when life is stretching you thin.

Thank God when the only thing you want to do is turn your back.⠀

Because you are alive. He is watching over you. I promised God that I would give the glory to Him when its all said and done with. At the end of the day, when I close my eyes, I know that without God’s love, I wouldn’t be where I’m at. I don’t know where I would be and when I look back at some of my choices I’ve made, some of the people I’ve chosen to spend time with, and the times when I didn’t thank God for weeks at a time because I didn’t think I needed to, I am just so darn happy that He didn’t give up on me.

Even when we lose our way, even when we turn our backs, He doesn’t stop loving us. He is waiting with open arms for us to drag our butts back to his love and grace. I’ve been dealt good hands and bad hands, and I play the heck out of whatever cards I’m given.

So, here I am humbled and in awe of my Lord who protects me, loves me, and has given me more opportunities than I ever could have imagined.

Enough

I have been so excited to start nursing school. I literally bought my scrubs four months ahead of time to make sure they would fit perfect and I would have everything ready by August 19th.

Yesterday, I drove to my school’s bookstore to purchase my textbooks and when I was walking out of the door with what felt like 50 pounds of books on one arm and a bag full of syringes and saline solution on the other, I felt defeated. I felt alive and defeated at the same time because here I am with my future in my arms but I just charged a thousand dollars to my credit card.

Today, I have been so down and out. My emotions have been all over the place and I am doubting myself. What if I’m not smart enough? What if I’m really bad at nursing school? What if I can’t make friends and allies throughout this journey? What if I can’t even afford to continue? I have spent today getting my loose ends tied up before class starts and cleaning my space. I have also spent today trying to talk myself down and questioning my own self worth. I opened my textbooks and words started flying off the pages and I became so overwhelmed by how much I will need to know.

I am writing this post now though to lay my fears to rest. I am speaking it into fruition, because I truly believe that what you put out into the world is what you will get back from it. God hears and He delivers. 

I am smart enough for this. I have brought myself to this point and if I have to crawl on my knees to bring myself through it, I will. At 16 years old, I was taking community college classes to become a CNA and during that, I knew for a fact that nursing was my future. Caring is something I’m good at. People are my passion. With that being said, I can do this. I will do this. 

I’m going to make friends, I already have made two friends who are in my program and it hasn’t even started yet so why the hellll am I so concerned about that? I am a good person, and a great friend. I am so excited to gain some lifelong gal pals over the course of this journey. 

And as far as the money goes, I can take loans out. I’ve been lucky enough to not have to do that so far but I just had to put a grand on my card so maybe a loan would have been best anyway. Oh well, now I know what to expect next semester and hopefully I can save up my money throughout this semester while I work. The thing is, God is in control. God has my back and He will pull me through deep waters. Not to mention, paying for school is why I’m working over forty hours a week some weeks. 

The point is that I am my own biggest critic. No one will ever judge me harsher than I judge myself. I know a lot of people just like me in that aspect and we need to trust that we are on the right path and making the right moves. We are good enough, smart enough, strong enough, and pretty enough. We are exactly where we need to be when we need to be there. I really hope I can help others realize that because I know that if I’m struggling with this, others are too. 

I really need to stop questioning myself and just trust my own abilities because I can do this. I will do this, and I will be a great nurse. 

An Open Letter to the Girl I Was One Year Ago

To the girl I was one year ago:

You are not meant to spend every weekend living in the shadow of a man who is incapable of love, compassion, and kindness.

You are not meant to be in a relationship where you feel more lonely than you did when you were single.  To be working, going to school, bettering yourself while he sits at home playing video games because his poor tummy hurts too much to go to work today.

You are not meant to spend every minute of your life making excuses to your friends and family for why you are allowing yourself to be treated badly. You are not this defensive, angry person you have become.

You are not meant to be unhappy and living in depression, always being told that you are either “too much” or “not enough.” Because let me tell you from experience, it is possible to be called both of those things together.

You ARE meant to overcome this, and move past this chapter of your life, because that’s all it is. Just a chapter that you have to get through and then close.

You can change your story. It’s not easy. It might be the most painful thing you’ve ever done but it will be the best thing you can ever do for yourself. Cut ties from the dead weight.

You are strong, and beautiful, and capable of all the things you’re being told “no” to. You are brilliant. You are talented. Your life is not a waste. You are something. You ARE somebody who is deserving of love.

You are smart enough. You ARE enough. The things that others say “too much” to are your most valuable assets, do not ever forget that. Your hustle, your busy mindset, your need to achieve… these are not problems. These are the traits that are going to help you build your damn empire. 

The ugly truth about the girl I was a year ago is that I was in complete disbelief of every one of these statements. I was actually a completely different human being… I had become someone my family didn’t recognize… hell, I didn’t recognize myself. The life had been sucked out of me. Until I got out of the situation and I changed my thoughts. I remembered who I was and worked my ass off to get to where I am right now.

And the woman I am today is burying the girl I was one year ago.

I invite you to join me. I invite you to take the steps necessary to be you again. To find your happiness again. Go back to when you were a child and you didn’t care what anyone thought. Be that version of you again. Kick ass, take names, and find your peace again. It is out there, I promise. 

The Journey Begins


I’ve been on many journeys in my life, as most of us have. To start, I’ve been on a mental and spiritual wellness journey for years. I’ve been on an academic journey for my entire life which is finally starting to pay off for me. I’ve been on a weight loss journey for a good portion of my life as its been something I’ve always struggled with. The latest journey has been no cakewalk, in fact it’s probably been the toughest one to date. I was in a bad relationship and I’ve been struggling to re-find myself after that and to see the good I have to offer. I’ve found that talking through my hard times really helps me and I’ve found that so many other people have been in the same boat I was, or worse.

I’m learning that my past is not my present, or my future. I’m learning that what I’ve been through is not who I am. I am not the words that people say I am. I am not the mistakes I’ve made. I am not a number on the scale or a t-shirt size. These things do not define me. I am who God says I am, He defines me. I can rest easy in that sentiment.

So I’m starting this blog as a way to talk about my feelings, share some inspiration with y’all, and maybe just some good stories here and there. I’ve always loved writing, and I’m pretty dang good at it if I do say so myself.

So buckle up and enjoy!